Why Miss Piggy to Playboy Bunny? Well let me tell you....

So, when I chose the name for the blog, a lot of various thoughts ran through my head. But the reason I chose the name? Here, let me tell you my story....

Growing up, I was never the thin girl. I was always the "fat friend" of the group. Always the one that could not just go into a store, buy something, and look great in it. I had to shop in the women's dept and wear old lady clothes because there was not anything in my size for teens.

I can remember back to Jr. High, wearing some of the hideous things, because it was the only thing that fit. I look back at photographs and cry. I never could wear the trendy clothes that everyone else wore. It didn't fit. And back then, I was not even super heavy, I just carried my weight in all the wrong places. And my weight just kept going up and up throughout the years. Id always tell myself "This summer I'm going to diet, and work out, and when I go back to school, I'll be one of those girls that can wear all that cute stuff. Ill be one of those girls that all the guys want to date. I'll be one of those cheerleaders, those girls that are in the "in" crowd."

That never happened. I loved food too much. And do not get me wrong, I had a lot of friends. I even had a lot of boyfriends. But I was always the one that was told " if you would just loose weight, you would be so pretty." Do you ever get tired of hearing that??? I did.

To this day, I hate to bring out yearbooks and photos, because I hated the way I looked. Simply put, I hated myself. And it has taken me YEARS to realize that I have to love me, to be able to be loved. It's a huge struggle. Some nights, after my husband has gone to work, I'll sit in the floor and cry. My heart just hurts from so many years of being overweight and not thinking I was pretty. I have a lot of self worth issues. And I'm telling you this because I know I am not alone.

SO back to why I chose the name. Growing up, I wanted to be that beautiful, skinny girl that could be in Playboy. Weird I know, but it was the way all the magazines portrayed how we should be. Not that it is not a common thing today, but it has grown by leaps and bounds in the past 15 years. I equaled self worth to being a model. To being a cheerleader. But I have learned, that even those that have what we think is "everything their heart desires" are not happy. Boy, do I wish I knew that back then. It might have changed the way I viewed myself, and actually motivated me to do something then. Who knows.

I hide behind things a lot. I laughed at my weight, made fun of myself, to keep the pain hidden. Well, I am not hiding anymore. I don't want my future children to grow up thinking that they are not worth anything if they are not a size 2. I want to be an example for my future kids, for other women, girls, whoever needs it, that is struggling with issues.

I recently learned that Arkansas is among the leader , if not the leader, in child hunger AND obesity. And that, to me, is very sad.

I hope that whoever reads my blog, takes something away from it. And shares it with someone else.